


My Brother, You, and I

by LuciaKimZhang



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Love Triangles, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 04:43:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15453609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciaKimZhang/pseuds/LuciaKimZhang
Summary: “Where did it go wrong?”Took the perspective of Wu Yifan where the love of his life, Kim Junmyeon, little by little stolen by his little brother Yixing.





	My Brother, You, and I

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooo....this is my oneshot that i wrote on 27 Sept 2017.  
> I published it first in here https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1289092  
> The story BETA dan EDITED by AmalEXO or HOPE: Betareading and Editing Shop : https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1325045/  
> I hope you will like my story...

_‘Where did it go wrong?’_

 

_I always ask myself about how many chances did I miss in my life to get him,_

_How many wrong paths did I choose in my life,_

_How I wish to get the chance to get back in my past life,_

_And how to fix everything so I can get him,_

_Can be with him,_

_The one that I only want in my life, the one and only one I need, the love of my life,_

_Kim Junmyeon._

 

_The memories of the the first time I saw that beautiful angel still lingering fresh in my mind just like yesterday._

_It was when I was still 3 years old._

 

 

 

“Yifan, please come out, don’t be shy, someone wants to meet you”

Mama pulled me from my hiding space to greet our guest. I tried to refuse but I know Mama won’t let me.

“Hi there,” some voice I don’t know greeted me and I was just looking down, I don’t like this entire move to a new house, I missed my old house.

“Yifan, say hi to our new neighbor,” said my Baba while I just keep silent looking down at the floor. “I’m sorry he is quite shy.”

“Don’t worry, our son was quite shy too, Junmyeon honey, please say hi to Yifan,”

“Uhm… Hello,”

A really sweet voice was caught by my ears, quickly I looked up finding where it came from.

“Hello, nice to meet you, My name is Junmyeon,” He said while smiling.

Angel? Sometimes Mama told me stories about angels, and I believe if there are angels in Earth, it would looks like the person in front of me. He was so beautiful; his skin so smooth and white, it was shining as if trying to blind my eyes, and his magnificent soft brown hair falling down into his forehead, his lips were so pink and curve into a smile, and I don’t know why it was all making my chest hurts.

“Are you an angel?” I asked.

Everyone in the room just laugh and I didn’t know what’s wrong with my question.

“I don’t know, I don’t think so. Appa am I an angel?” He tilted his head and turned to his Baba.

“Ahahaha you are an angel to us, but no honey we are human,” His Baba said.

“See, I’m not,” He turned again to me, smiling.

“I.. I’m Yifan,” I don’t know why my cheeks were burning but I just ignored it.

“Yifan, show your room to Junmyeon and play with him there would you!” asked my Baba.

“Okay, let’s go!” I held Junmyeon’s hand and pulled him to my room in the second floor upstairs.

“Your room is nice. Wowww you have so many toys,” he said excitedly holding my robots, and I did not dislike it when he played with them.

“Yes, Baba and Mama sometimes are not home, so they bought me so many friends,” I said then introduced my toys one by one.

“I can be your friend,” He said with big eyes with so much hope in them. It is so adorable.

“Sure,” I said happily.

From then onward the two of us always together. Where there is Junmyeon, I will be there as well. We often sleep together too, I’m so happy Baba and Mama are allowed me and Junmyeon to have sleepovers. It’s great to have Junmyeon on my side, I never felt this happy in my life before.

 

-

 

“Where are we going Baba?” I asked Baba. Questioning Baba and Mama’s outfit, they are using a really luxurious clothes and on me too.

“Uncle Jongin and Aunt Krystal are married. We are going to their wedding”

“What is married?” before Mama answer me, Baba pushed both of us into the car.

We went to a really amazing place. It was decorated in plants and ribbons. So many people wearing luxurious outfits were present. Uncle Jongin really looked handsome and Aunt Krystal was so beautiful. They looked very happy, people around me were happy. It was nice. I really like this.

My eyes stopped being amazed by the place when they caught Junmyeon and his parents.

“Junmyeon!” I yelled.

“Yifan,” He ran to me.

Junmyeon really looked so beautiful. I really doubt if he is really not an angel.

“Hi,” My parents and his parents greeted each other.

“Let’s congrats the bride and the groom,” My Baba said to Junmyeon’s Baba.

“Baba, what is married? What are bride and groom?” I asked.

“Yeah what is that,” Junmyeon ask it too.

“Honey, married is when two people love each other and bond to be together for lifetime, forever. Uncle Jongin is the Groom, and Aunt Krystal is the Bride,” he said.

“Then I want to be married with Yifan,” Junmyeon said. It surprised me, but I want to be together with Junmyeon forever too.

“Yes I want Junmyeon to be my bride,” I said.

Both of our parents just laughed.

“Sure honey, when you're big you can marry Junmyeon,” Mama chuckled.

I was so happy.

The beautiful ceremony ended. It was really magnificent, I really loved it.

Before going home I approached Junmyeon and held one of his hand. “Junmyeon,” I said, getting his attention.

“Yes, Yifan?” he asked cutely.

“When we grow up will you marry me? Be my bride, so we will always together!” I said and he chuckled.

“Why am I the bride?” he tilted his head.

“Because you are beautiful,”

“Uhmmm…okay,” He said loudly and looked excited. Both of us jumped happily.

“Promise me!” I said.

“I promise Yifan! When we grow up I will be your bride! I can’t wait for it!” he chirped happily.

“Me too!”

I was so happy. Yes, this was one of best moments in my life.

 

 

 

_‘Where did it go wrong?’_

 

 

 

“Yifan, you are going to have baby brother!” My parent said to me excitedly and kissed me repeatedly.

“What???!!What???!!” I stopped playing games with Junmyeon, surprised, and gave them the biggest smile I ever have.

“Looked at Mama’s tummy, it’s getting bigger. Inside it, there is your little brother and he is 4 months now honey,” My Baba said.

“You going to be a big brother honey,” Mama whipped away her tears.

“Really!!! That’s cool!! I will be big brother!!!! I will be big brother Junmyeon!!” I screamed excitedly and jumped around with Junmyeon.

“You are goinggg to be big brother!!!” Junmyeon said excitedly too.

Mama and Baba just laughed happily looking at us.

 

 

 

_‘Where did it go wrong?’_

 

 

 

“This is my little brother, Junmyeon. His name is Yixing,” I said to Junmyeon. We are at the hospital right now, it’s been 2 days since Mama gave birth to my baby brother. He was so little, so fragile, Mama was holding him in her arms while his little lips forming a smile and gurgle. He has Mama’s dimples on his cheeks, he was so cute and adorable.

And around Mama there are Baba and Junmyeon’s parent visited us.

“He is so beautiful,” Junmyeon said to me. I looked at Junmyeon while his eyes still locked on my baby brother. I don’t know how to explain his eyes right now and how they feelt like. It was full of awe, amazement, and…affection? The only things I know was that my chest hurt.

 

 

_‘Where did it go wrong?’_

 

 

Junmyeon and I began our elementary school. The hard thing was when the two of us tried to go to school, Yixing will always cry, not allowing us or wanting to come with us.

“NOOOOO…I WANT TO GO WITH GEGE…I WANT TO GO WITH THEM,” He cried and begged while clinging to my waist and Mama tried hard to pull him off. I just let out a sigh.

Junmyeon hurriedly squat in front of him and caressed his wet cheeks.

“Xing Xing, when we get home Yifan-gege and I promise we will bring you your favorite lollipop and then we will play robots together, don’t cry okay?” he smiled gently.

“Lollipop,” Yixing hugged Junmyeon’s neck with his little hands still tearing. “Promise”

“I promised,” Junmyeon pinched his cheeks lightly.

“Okay!” Yixing dimples come back with his big smiles and Junmyeon laughed at him.

 

-

 

Yixing is 6 right now, and he is really spoiled by Junmyeon. I know Junmyeon really wants a little brother but he doesn’t. And I know Yixing is really cute, like really really cute. He was the little brother everyone is hoping for, but this is too much. I can’t even play with Junmyeon just the two of us.

“JUST GET OUT FROM MY ROOM WILL YOU!” I yelled at him when he clung at Junmyeon’s lap, we were just going to do our homework but Yixing was in the way and Junmyeon’s okay with it and even played with him, but I’m not.

With teary eyes Yixing looked down and get up. “Sorry” He pouted and go outside my room.

Junmyeon looked at me with disappointed eyes. It hurt a bit. “Yifan! You can talk to him calmly without yelling,”

“He was always in the way! I had enough! I can’t stand him anymore!”

“How…how can you say that? He is your brother!” Junmyeon’s tone went higher and higher.

“LOOK, YOU ALWAYS SIDING WITH HIM AND ALWAYS BLAMING ME! YOU ALWAYS PREFER HIM! BOTH OF US NEVER EVEN PLAY TOGETHER ANYMORE!” I really lost my calmness but I was surprised when Junmyeon just chuckled.

“Are you jealous Wu Yifan?" He smiled, making me blush and all red.

“Sorry,” I said looked away in embarrassment.

“Yifan…,” He said softly. “Just imagine this is for training for when you have children in future okay,” he chuckled.

“Like what…like I’m his dad and you are his mom?” I chuckled but stopped when I saw Junmyeon’s cheeks blushing. _Shit. Me and my stupid mouth._

“Well yeah, like you are his dad and I’m his mother,” He smiled shyly. “Why am I the mom though” He laughed.

“I am taller,” I said proudly and he hit my arm.

“I will be taller than you when we'll go to middle school,” He puffed his cheeks and it was really cute. “I will get Yixing, and you are going to apologize,”

“Okay mom,” I said playfully.

That night the three of us slept together. I looked at Junmyeon’s beautiful sleeping face. The thought of him being my wife and Yixing is our child was really bugging me and making my heart beating erratically and refusing to calm down. Yes, I really hope he will be my wife. I really would love that. I caressed his cheek. It was so soft, my heart fluttering and butterflies were flying in my stomach.

That night I understood that I had a crush with my childhood friend.

 

 

_‘Where did it go wrong?’_

 

 

Through Middle school and High school I always went to the same school as Junmyeon. We really never separated. As always, Junmyeon always took care of me and Yixing, because I am a person who is really cold and doesn’t care about my surroundings while Yixing is always dozed off and forgetful. Junmyeon was still spoiling Yixing so much, really too much. I hated it.

My crush at him already changed to love. I love him so much. But too bad, my love is still not progressing at all. It’s me and my big stupid pride always in the way.  One time I said I like him, he replied with an 'I like you too' easily, damn how could I explain to him that it’s not like as a friend.

 

-

 

“I’m sorry Yifan, Yixing. We are really sorry, but Baba and Mama are going to divorce.”

My mouth went wide open while Yixing just let go a glass he was holding and it made loud shuttering sound on the floor.

“You two are kidding right,” I said really annoyed and in disbelief.

“I’m sorry son,” said Baba. Mama just hold her tears back seeing Yixing had already begun crying.

“W-why you want to divorce…? I-I don’t want the two of you to divorce..w-we are h-happy.. w-why.. w-what will happen to me and Gege,” Yixing tried so hard to speak between his cries.

“I’m sorry Yixing, you will come with Mama. Yifan will live here with Baba,” she tried to hug him, but Yixing slapped her hands away.

“NO!!I DON’T WANT IT! I WANT TO BE HERE! I DON’T WANT MY FAMILY SEPARATED! NO!” It’s been so long since I heard Yixing yell. He ran to his bed after closing the door loudly, and started screaming inside.

“I’m sorry Yifan,” Mama said to me. I just stayed silent. I was sad but there was nothing I could do about it. And at least I still live here. Here; where Junmyeon lives next door.

 

 

 -

 

 

Today Yixing and my mom moved away.

I was sad, really sad, but tried hard not to cry. All of the things were packed inside the car and they were ready to go. My Mama hugged Junmyeon first and thanked him for everything he did for our family and asked him to take care of me and my father which he said yes. Then she hesitated to hug me, so I hugged her first making her cry. She said 'sorry' and 'I love you' so many times before finally wiped away her tears and got in the car, crying even more inside. So now was the turn of my little brother, my baby brother who sometimes I hated so much but I loved as well.

“Junmyeon-ge,” He said. “Can you persuade My Baba to come here, I want to say goodbye at him,”

 “Okay I’ll try,” replied Junmyeon softly and went inside our house.

“Gege,” He cried and hugged me. “I’m sorry for annoying you all this years. I’m sorry being a bad little brother. I’m sorry I was a disappointment to you.”

No… of course not. Yixing was the best little brother and person I ever knew in my life. Not like me, he was so kind, gentle, and obedient. It was me that always got jealous of him and was a bad big brother.

“No Yixing, you are the best little brother. I’m the one that always bad to you I’m sorry,” I said and single tear was down on my cheeks which I hurriedly wiped away.

“No, you are the best big brother too. Thankyou,” he smiled gently.

I can saw Yixing looking down and fidgeting.

“Gege,” He said in tiny voice. “Can I asked you for one last favor?”

“Sure,” I said.

He then gave me some kind of letter. My chest hurt, my heart felt like it stopped beating.

“Can you give this letter to Junmyeon-gege?” He asked me nervously with blushed cheeks.

BLUSHED CHEEKS.

That moment my mind went blank. And I stopped breathing.

I knew it.

I knew it.

I knew it all along.

Those stares when he looks at Junmyeon. Those smiles when he looks at Junmyeon. Those blushes when he is spoiled by Junmyeon. Those nervous behaviors when he near Junmyeon.

“Do you like him?” I surprised at myself that I could asked him that question with cold and calm tone.

Yixing madly blushed and his face was all red while panicking, making me want to throw up badly. I clenched my palm so tight until it turned white.

“Yes,”

I was about to lose the strength of my legs until he said something.

“But I know… I know he is yours Ge,” He smiled, but his tone was just so sad.

“And I know I don’t have any chance to be with Junmyeon-gege. I am nothing if I was compared to you. You are handsome, tall, smart, cool, and Junmyeon-gege is always by your side,” I can see tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“So don’t worry, I will be going far away too, maybe it was for the best,” He laughed but tears were dripping away. “So please, please just give this letter to him. I’m too coward to give it myself,”

I nodded.

What a tragedy, two brothers fall in love with the same person.

I am his big brother. Looking at how miserable he was now, I really want to cheer him up for his love. I want to tell him he still have a chance, he must try hard for his love.

But no. I don’t. I can’t.

I was in love with Junmyeon too. I want Junmyeon too.

I’m sorry.

 

Junmyeon came back to us, he was looking down sadly.

“I’m sorry Yixing, I couldn't persuade your Baba to come out,”

“It’s okay ge, thankyou,” He looked at Junmyeon with hazy eyes and sad dimples smile. “Thankyou for everything.”

Then and there, the two of them just looked at each other for so long. And finally Junmyeon moved forward and hugged Yixing.

“Promise me you will grow up okay, don’t doze off when you were inside a bus, don’t forget your books, don’t forget wearing your jackets when it’s cold, don’t forget your uniform gym, don’t forget me okay,”

“Okay… okay… thankyou... thankyou Ge,” Yixing hugged Junmyeon’s tightly while crying.

When he released him from his hug, Junmyeon hold each of Yixing’s wet cheeks and caressed them while smiled gently. Both of them were staring at each other with so much…. _affection?_

Slowly Junmyeon got closer to Yixing and gave him a soft kiss on his forehead.

I couldn’t stand looking at them, the glimpse of moment felt like eternity, my chest hurt so much like it was falling apart. I gritted my teeth, knowing the one that I love so much right now was kissing my brother who also loved him.

“Goodbye,” Junmyeon released Yixing and stepped backward.

Yixing wiped away his tears and then smiled and bowed to the two of us before getting inside the car. With that, Yixing and mother drove away from us.

And Junmyeon just looking at them, even when there was nothing to look at anymore, he still stood there, looking at empty space. It looked like he just get abandoned. Tears were falling down his cheeks.

“Junmyeon,” I said softly.

He jolted, and hurriedly wiped away his tears. “Sorry,” he laughed but more tears were coming out. “Sorry” and more tears, “Sorry…why..why it’s not stopping,” And even more tears. His laugh was gone and with one last sorry, he ran away to his house leaving me behind.

I knew what it meant.

It meant Yixing had a chance.

That meant there was a chance that I won’t be with Junmyeon.

I was scared.

So I tore Yixing’s letter.

I’m sorry.

 

 

_‘Where did it go wrong?’_

 

 

Junmyeon and I went to the same university, we were on our third year, and my love was still not progressing. It’s hard for me to take the decision to announce to the public that I am gay, and that I’m madly in love with Junmyeon. I don’t know since when but now I felt like I was the center of the earth and people were always looking at me, idolizing me. When I was in high school they even chose me as the prom king. When I walk, everybody will be looking at me. It’s kind of annoying.

 

-

 

I was really surprised one day when Yixing was in our house, hugging me. He brought his belongings and Baba said he is going to live with us again. In high school, He took grade skipping program so now he was going to enter college and he got accepted in our university.

I was devastated, scared, my heart and body were all trembling.

“I was so happy I can live together with you again Ge,” the same dimples and gentle gaze was still there, but every other thing beside them was different. It’s like I don’t even recognize my own little brother anymore.

 

-

 

I’ve never been so scared in my life like now.

“That’s Yixing? Our little Yixing?” Junmyeon’s eyes widened, his mouth wide open, and mesmerized at the scene of a person playing guitar in front of us. I hated it. I hated it so much how he looked at Yixing.

It was an introduction event of new kids in our university. And of course being my little brother, Yixing got so much attention, and was asked to at least perform something. And there he was playing piano and guitar while singing. He must have already got many fans for himself.

After done, Yixing hurriedly came to us and Junmyeon immediately hugged him.

“Oh God! Yixing, you really changed,” I hated how Junmyeon stared at him in awe with excited wide eyes earning chuckles from Yixing.

“You are taller, even taller than me” Junmyeon comically compared their height.

“Yes,” Yixing chuckled even more.

“Your jaw is much longer, Your voice got deeper, your shoulders are much broader. Are you working out? Your sense of fashion has changed!! You don’t wear those ugly sweaters anymore. And what is with this hairstyle?” Junmyeon said, touching Yixing's hair which is not messy long bang that left down into his forehead anymore, now Yixing's hair was in an undercut style and totally black making him looks dandy.

“Is it bad?”

“No… uhmm.. it looks really nice,” Junmyeon's face was _blushing._

“Thanks Ge! And you too. You were already beautiful when I left, and now you became more and more beautiful, Ge,”

Since when Yixing become this free-spoken and confident? And there Junmyeon laughed shyly. The two of them chat like I was not there. The world was just two of them.

I calmed myself down, telling myself that it will be alright. It’s been 5 years, maybe Yixing’s feelings already changes. It’s okay.

 

 

_I convinced myself,_

_It’s alright._

 

 

I was hurriedly coming home from a night class, today I have a promise with Junmyeon that we will watch a movie together in the cinema. I was so excited. It was an ordinary thing like usual, but today is special because I will be the one to pay for everything and after the movie I will ask him to go to the aquarium and tell him about my feeling towards him.

I already practiced in front of mirror, and strengthened my heart. Maybe if he agrees, I will ask him to be secretive about our relationship. God! Did I just imagine him going out with me?

Too bad the class has been going for so long. I moving my leg impatiently like little child and my heartbeat became really nervous.

Finally the class ended. I ran toward my house. I happily opened my door and going inside but what I found was Junmyeon and Yixing in a really close position and staring at each other before they were startled by me. Yixing was wet all over with just a towel covering his lower part. And the way they acted after they saw me was making my chest hurt, especially Junmyeon that was nervous and blushing.

“You come home already, Ge” said Yixing with smiles and got out from the kitchen. “I heard you two will be watching a movie,”

“What are you two doing in kitchen,” I asked coldly tried to hold back my jealousy.

“I... I tried using your microwave to warm this dish I bought, but the container was melting,” Junmyeon said quite nervously.

“I think our microwave broke, it’s really hot be careful,” Yixing said cheerfully to me. However, I just stared deeply to Yixing, unconsciously glare at him, and he drop his smile. “I will go upstairs, have fun”

That night, I lose my mood so I decided we just go to watch the movie.

 

 

 

_I convinced myself,_

_it’s alright._

 

 

Today I was in cafeteria eating lunch with Luhan and Minseok, and then I saw Junmyeon talking cheerfully with Yixing. It became often to find the two of them talking with each other.

“You okay Yifan?” Luhan asked me. He knew, it was just him and Minseok that knew how I truly feel towards Junmyeon.

I clenched my hand trying to ignore that fact Yixing was little by little spending more time with Junmyeon when he was not with me.

 

 

_I convinced myself,_

_it’s alright._

 

 

I regretted that I took Modeling Club instead joining the same club as Junmyeon which is Singing Club. Eventhough I love modeling and not really good at singing, at least I can rap and dance. My regret did not exist until Yixing came and took the same club as Junmyeon's. Thus he can spendd more time with him where I’m not there. _Shit._

Today when I was shopping in mall with Luhan for our Modelling Club's project, I was so surprised to find Yixing and Junmyeon going out from the cinema theater. Junmyeon was quite flustered.

“Ohh…. Yifan-Ge, Luhan-Ge! You are here!” Yixing waved at us.

“Hi Yixing, Junmyeon, what are you doing here?” Luhan must have known how I felt, because he waved back at them and pulled me while patting my back.

“Junmyeon-ge, me, and members of singing club Baekhyun and Jongdae planned to watch a movie, but in the end they couldn’t come so it just me and Gege,”

“Why are you so flustered Junmyeon?”

“Those two brats tricked me. It was a Horror movie; you know how I can’t stand horror movies.”

Luhan and Yixing were laughing while i couldn't.

Why whould Junmyeon who hates horror movies so much still got out of the cinema only when the movie ended.

My chest was really tightening. I tried so hard to ignore it.

But since then, I often caught the two of them going out together.

 

 

_I convinced myself,_

_it’s alright._

 

 

I was having a test, when I got a message. Junmyeon was hit by pitches' ball when he was walking near softball field. I was so worried and kept texting Junmyeon. it took quite a a while to get an answer but what was written as his reply made me more scared. He said Yixing was already took him to medical room, and he was there with him.

I couldn't concentrate at all on the test. When I got to the medical room, Junmyeon was already out and back home.   

 

 

_I convinced myself,_

_it’s alright._

 

 

Today was a really tiresome day; our modeling club had a big project about making a tabloid. I was so happy. I hope it will be success. I already told Baba and Yixing that I won’t get home today that I thought I was going to have a night stay at our leader’s house tonight, but instead we were done already. So I decided to go home.

I looked at my watch; it was already 12 o'clock. Maybe both of them already fallen asleep so I tried to unlock the door silently, but strangely it was already unlocked. Maybe Baba or Yixing are still awake.

When I was going in and there it was, my heart stopped.

I hear the sound of a bed cracking and moans filled the house.

It was Yixing’s voice, but the louder moans were made a voice that I knew really well.

Voice that I really loved.

Voice that I often dreamt of how it would  sound when he moans.

And here I am, hearing it.

 

I forced my trembling body to get upstair,

I forced it,

I forced it,

I forced it,

I forc-

 

Let out a chuckle, my hot tears were falling down on my cheeks. I could feel my heart breaking into thousands pieces and stabbing my whole body.

It hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts.

There I saw Yixing doing the most intimate things to Junmyeon.

My beloved Junmyeon,

The love of my life,

The one and only one,

Their panting and flustered face looked at me in horror,

“Yi…Yifan,”

 

 

The next moment I know, I was just running as fast as I could. I don’t know where, but I just needed to get out from there. I just needed to get out of this reality. I just needed to get out from everything. I just need….

I found myself at the garden where Uncle Jongin and Aunt Krystal married.

The garden where there were still me and Junmyeon,

Where the two of us made the promise,

To be together forever.

There I cried and screamed, as my life was going to go away,

Yes, my soul went away,

And here I’m just a soulless body,

Crying and praying that everything is just a lie,

Praying that everything can be repeated,

Praying that…..

I can have Junmyeon…

And I swear I will give everything else,

I’ll give my soul, my life, I will give everything that I can just to have him….

 

 

 

_‘Where did it go wrong?’_

 

 

“Yifan…”

The voice that I long for, the voice that I loved, but how tragic, it was voice that I don’t want to hear today too.

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to meet me, and I’m sorry I’m forcing Luhan to let me go inside,”

The silent broke by his cry, and it was killing me.

“Yifan…. I’m sorry about what you find out a week ago, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry I tainted your little brother, I’m sorry I betrayed you and was with him,”

_NO! NO! IT’S NOT THAT! IT’S NOT THAT!_

“I’m sorry, I’m gay,”  

_NO! IT’S NOT THAT!_

“I’m sorry, I tainted your brother, and lov—“

“STOP!”

I really don’t want to hear those word.

“STOPPP!”

 

 

“Cruel…”

 

 

“You are so cruel Junmyeon…,”

 

 

I got rid the blanked that covering me, and faced him, revealing how a disgusting mess my face right now. How broken I’m right now.

Slowly I hold each side of his cheeks, and smiled painfully.

“You are so cruel Junmyeon, So cruel…”

Tears were flowing on my cheeks.

“Don’t you know...?"

For me, you are angel coming down from the sky,

For me, you are the best thing that ever happenned in my life,

For me, you are the reason why my heart always beat every day,

For me, you are the strength to makes me stand every day,

For me, I don’t want to go another day without you,

For me, you are the one that I want build my home with,

For me, you are the one that I want to spend my life with,

For me, you are the one and only one,

For me, you are the love of my life,

I love you…

I love you Kim Junmyeon...

Since the first time I met you...

I always love you….”

There I cried looking at crying mess Junmyeon. Now he knows. Now he knows but it’s too late.

Yes it’s too late.

“Did you forget our promise Junmyeon... You promised you will be my bride, and we will married one day, yes one day, but I guess... that is not going to happen,”

 

 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry for always hurting you…I’m sorry Yifan… I’m sorry… I’m sorry,”

 

 

“I’m sorry Yifan,”

 

 

He hugged me…

He hugged me but it felt empty.

It felt empty.

 

 

 

_‘So’_

_‘Where did it go wrong?’_

 

_I was born first_

_I met him first_

_I was the one that made a promise with him_

_I was the one that going to the same schools with him_

_I was the one that was always by his side_

_Why I wasn’t the one he chose?_

_The one he loved?_

 

 

 

_I was broken, no tears falling down my cheeks anymore, no screaming till my lungs became empty anymore, no hitting the wall till my hands are messed up anymore, no breaking everything I have and saw anymore, no hate towards everyone and everything around me anymore, no cursing to God anymore, no blaming to my fate anymore, nothing, I just reduced into nothing._

 

 

 

_Now here I see him, he is standing in the altar with a beautiful big smile and teary eyes. He is wearing a lovely white suit that really matches his beautiful skin. The whole place was all in white; there are beautiful ribbons and flowers. He is surrounded with so much happiness. It is the scene that I dreamed thousand times when I sleep or even when I am fully awake. But there, instead of me, my little brother is the one standing in front of him. Instead of me, he is the one that said ‘I do’. Instead of me, he is the one who is putting a ring on his beautiful finger to bond him with the vow of lifetime._

_And here I am, standing in the front row with hollow smile and empty soul, clapping my hands following people around me, starring at the love of my life flying away from me,_

_Forever._

 

 

_‘Where did it go wrong?’_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry i'm being mean to Yifan. Thankyou so much for reading it... i don't know why i feel angst today. i write it in one day.  
> Maybe i will write about the perpective from Yixing and Junmyeon.
> 
> Please comment about what you are feeling i really like to know it. any suggestion and critics are really welcome.  
> Again thankyou so much. XOXO


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